Chapter Thirty Eight

When I finally calmed down, I simply laid there in Arnav's arms, my head resting on his shoulder as I just stared off into the distance. I felt Arnav stand up, taking me with him to the sink. He set me down before reaching for a washcloth. As he turned on the water to dampen it, I realized that I had scratched him very badly on his neck and that he was bleeding.

"Arnav-"

I tried to reach for his neck, but Arnav moved away. Instead, he brought the wet washcloth to my face and wiped it clean. He focused on the task at hand, his eyes following the direction of his hands. In that moment, I realized that in the past month, I had not been paying any attention to Arnav at all. For example, his beard had grown in and he was definitely a lot more scruffy than I had ever seen him as before. Along with that, there were dark circles under his eyes, giving away that he hadn't been sleeping properly. On top of that, his face looked thin, in fact, all of him looked thinner than usual.

Have I really been ignoring him that much?

Arnav put the damp washcloth down and finally met my eyes. I don't know if he could see it, but I truly felt guilty for having punishing him so much. But I guess he hadn't seen it, as Arnav had tried to move away from me.

And for the first time in so long, I stopped him.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, preventing him from going. Arnav stopped and looked back at our engaged hands before looking up at me. Seeing him made my heart ache once more and all I wanted to do was hold him. Using my legs, I pulled him towards me and wrapped them around him, Arnav moving whichever way I motioned him to. I brought my hands to his face, observing him.

This wasn't the Arnav I had known, no, not at all! This was a broken Arnav.

Bringing my lips to his, I kissed him, and I felt Arnav jolt from shock, but I held him to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and continued to kiss him, urging him to me. Releasing his lips for air, I moved to his neck where I had scratched him, and kissed and soothed it. His grip on me had slightly tightened, perhaps from the stinging, and I felt even more guilty.

"I'm so sorry for lashing out at you Arnav," I muttered against him, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I pushed you away, I was upset, please forgive me. Please Arnav, I'm sorry-"

Arnav immediately covered his lips with mine, and I couldn't help my tears. Even after how rude I had been, after how I had mistreated him, Arnav still wanted me. His tongue did wonders with mine, but I needed more! I reached down for the hem of his T-shirt and pulled it up, breaking the kiss momentarily before they came crashing back down on mine. I tossed Arnav's shirt aside and then I reached for his shorts to undo them.

"Khushi-"

"Arnav I need this, please don't pull away from me now."

"I never wanted to baby, ever. But you-"

"I'm so sorry for hurting you Arnav, I'm so, so sorry baby," and I covered his lips with mine again.

Maneuvering my hands to his shorts, I undid the button and zip, and pulled them down along with his boxers. They fell to the floor and Arnav stepped out of them, kicking them to the side. He brought his lips to my neck and teethed it and bit it - biting it rather hard, causing me to hiss. He let go and removed my T-shirt off of my body, exposing my naked chest to him as I hadn't been wearing a bra. He immediately attacked my breast, placing my left one in his mouth while the right was worked up by his hand. I tossed my head back in pleasure, moaning out his name. He alternated between the two, biting at my nipples and bringing yelps out of me.

Before I even knew it, my pants and panties were removed, and Arnav immediately thrusted within me, earning him a guttural moan.

"Oh baby, I'm home," Arnav groaned.

Home was right, and this felt oh so intense! Arnav pulled out slowly before thrusting right back in, earning a yelp out of me. He pulled back once more before driving into me again.

"Oh fuck," I cried.

Arnav slowly pulled back again, before driving in with full force, causing me to whimper his name.

Without another word, Arnav picked me up, still buried deep inside me. He took me into the sauna and sat down, having me straddle his lap.

"Ride me baby, I need you to ride me."

Gripping onto his shoulders, I began to grind my hips against him. He just felt so good, so perfect within me, and I loved the way he gripped my hips and moved me against him. I need more, so I began to move along his length, riding his cock like my life depended on it. I needed my release desperately, and from the look on Arnav's face, I knew that he wanted me to. However just as I was about to cum, Arnav pulled out of me, gripping me tightly in place as I wriggled in his hold.

What, no!

He picked me up in his arms again and this time he took us into the shower. He turned the water on before backing me up against the wall, hoisting me up in his arms. As the water cascaded down on us, Arnav thrusted within me, causing me to cry out in pleasure. He pumped into me hard and fast and I could feel myself rise, ready to explode. However once again, just as I was about to, Arnav pulled out of me and I cried out, writhing once more. A few moments later, he thrusted within me once more, and I felt my high come back. It didn't take as long for me to reach my peak, but once again when I was close, Arnav pulled out and I cried out at the loss.

"Arnav-"

"Baby, you've hurt me so much."

"Arnav-"

"You've tortured me so much these past few weeks-"

"Arnav-"

"When I need you by my side but instead...."

I opened my eyes and looked up at him. Arnav was looking down at the floor, hurt and pain covering his face. My heart ached at the sight of him and I only felt guiltier than before.

I did this to him. I hurt him so much. What she's doing is cruel but I....

Tears streamed down my cheeks and I tried to release myself from Arnav's hold. I felt Arnav's gaze back on me, but I just couldn't look at him, not after everything I had done to him.

"What do you think you're doing," he asked incredulously.

I refused to meet his eyes and continued to try to escape from his hold.

"Khushi-"

I released myself from his hold and tried to leave, but Arnav grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me back, my back colliding onto the glass of the shower wall as his lips attacked mine. This time when he kissed me, he was harsh, as if he were a savage. His fingers slid down along me until they penetrated me, first one finger, than two.

"Arnav," I cried out, tossing my head back as my eyes shut.

"How could you think of leaving me again? How dare you try to leave me?"

Opening my eyes, I looked back at Arnav. He looked so hurt, I just couldn't take. "What do I do," I cried.

Arnav covered my lips with his, his fingers thrusting away. He curved them, hitting that sweet spot, causing me to buckle forward. When he let go of my lips, he pulled out his fingers and dropped down to his knees and placed his mouth on me. A cry instantly escaped my lips as I clutched onto his hair and tossed my head back. He was torturing me with his tongue, and I just didn't know how much more I could take!

"Arnav please!"

"Please what," he muttered against me.

He had a point, what did I want? For him to forgive me? For him to give me my release? For him to let go of me- no! Never! I could never truly be separated from him, I can't-!

Instantly I was released and picked up. Arnav carried us out to the bedroom and dropped me unceremoniously onto the bed. And then without a word, Arnav had me on my hands and knees and thrusted deeply within me, causing me to moan in pleasure. He wrapped my sopping wet hair around his hand, and pulled me back to him, my back arching as I leaned back and wrapped an arm around him. He continued to thrust within me and I couldn't help my moans. As far as I knew, the rest of the family had gone out to a family friend's place, leaving just the two of us alone. So I didn't care how loud I was, and it didn't seem that Arnav minded either, especially when he finally allowed for me to cum.

Arnav released me and I went crashing to my front, gripping onto the sheets. Arnav was still buried within me and he moved over me, once again gripping my hair.

"You have some nerve for trying to leave me Khushi, some nerve!"

He thrusted within me deeply and it almost felt like he was going to go right up into my uterus.

"How could you," and he gave another deep thrust.

But I was a jumble of nerves, I couldn't muster up any words.
"Answer me dammit," he said, his voice strained. He gave another sharp thrust, hitting that sweet spot oh so delectably well.

"I'm sorry," I cried.

"How could you Khushi?"

He thrusted deeply once more, sending me over the edge again as I screamed into the sheets. But I wasn't given my moment to relish in it, Arnav turning me over onto my back, thrusting within me again. He took hold of my hands and brought them into one, keeping them above my head. I looked into his eyes and saw the hurt and anger in them, and my heart constricted once more.

"I love you Arnav-"

"Do you? Do you really?"

"Yes," I gasped.

"Then why did you pull away from me. Why did flinch at my touch?"

I had only flinched at his touch once, but I never realized how much that had hurt him. I really didn't want for him to hurt anymore, so I pulled my hands free from his grip and held him, kissing him everywhere I could.

"I love you Arnav, I love you so much, it makes my heart hurt! And for someone to threaten it-"

"No one can ever take you away from me."

"What if they try to take you away from me," I whispered, realizing my fears only then.

My biggest problem wasn't just the fact that my birth mother was pregnant with Arnav's child, but the fear of losing him to her, or to anyone. Because I allowed to let that fear to take control of me, I allowed for myself to be okay with distancing myself from Arnav, hoping that it would make it easier when that time came.

Arnav looked at me wide eyed before resting his forehead against mine. "Oh you stupid, stupid, stupid woman," and he thrusted harder with each word, sending me over the edge again.

I gripped onto him with all my life as I burst around him, feeling my insides clench around him. When I finally came down from my high, I looked up at Arnav to find him gazing down at me.

"No one and nothing can take me away from you Khushi," he said softly, his thrusts nice and slow.

"No one," I asked, tears threatening to fall again.

"And nothing. I'll go to hell and back if I have to, but no one will ever ever be able to take me away from you. Ever."

Tears came flowing free, down my cheeks, as I pulled Arnav in for a kiss. He continued to thrust within me and I arched my back to meet him. As the kiss intensified, so did his thrusts and within a matter of moments, Arnav came within me, the warm sudden burst filling within me. My insides clenched around him, milking him while my legs gripped onto him tightly. Arnav came crashing down on me, laying on my chest. His wet, sweat-covered body felt so good against mine, and I just wanted to stay like this.

Arnav tilted his head up to look at me. "Don't ever do that to me again."

"Never again," I promised.