Maha Update - Chapter Twenty Six

Arnav paused and so did I. We were already on the docks, near our boat. Arnav began to sit down so I sat down beside him, both of us looking out to the dark horizon.

"I think I was about 16," Arnav began, still looking out to the horizon. "Either 16 or 17, something like that, but I was a teen. The family and I were at some party and I was bored out of mind, so I started to wander around. It was just some other rich person's house, in some big mansion, and it was absolutely dull, I mean the hallways were filled with fancy paintings and pieces and being a teen, I wanted to barf," he chuckled.

"I think any normal teenager would want to," I chuckled.

"Yeah.... I just wandered around, hoping to find something interesting, and eventually I did, though I never thought I was going to find what I did."

My eyebrows met in the middle as I looked at him in confusion.

"The guy, who was hosting the party with his wife, was fucking a woman that wasn't his wife."

My eyes widened immediately.

What the fuck?!

"They were just out in the open, although the party was on the other end of the mansion, they probably thought they were safe. But because I was bored....

"Sometimes I get mad at myself over it. Had I kept it together and not wandered around, none of that would've happened. I always had at other boring parties before, why I couldn't at that one... fuck!"

I reached over and squeezed Arnav's hand lightly, hoping to comfort him. He let out a sigh and continued.

"He had her up against the wall, so he didn't end up seeing me, but the woman did - and she wasn't bothered whatsoever. Instead she smirked at me, began to moan louder, and not once did she remove her eyes from me. It was as if she had me hypnotized because I couldn't look away, as hard as I tried. She kept her eyes on me the entire time, even when she came...."

Arnav looked at me but I looked down at our entangled hands.

"Khushi if this is bothering you, I'll stop-"

"Don't. I can tell this is something that bothers you, and you said you've never told anyone before. Keeping it trapped within isn't good, you have to let it out."

"Are you sure?"

Am I? "Yes."

Arnav squeezed my hand lightly, looking down at our hands as he took a deep breath.

"When they were done, the guy tried to act like nothing had happened and simply zipped up and slipped away. The woman kept her eyes on me and walked my way as she straightened her dress. I was stuck in place, even though my mind was screaming and telling me to leave, I just couldn't. Instead, I stood there and she came over to me, and without a word she... she just slipped her hands in...."

My eyes widened immediately. She did what?!!

"I was so stunned, I couldn't even stop her. I didn't even realize that I was hard and she worked me up...."

She... oh my gosh!

"I had never came so hard in my life, prior to that. She had me all cleaned up, kissed me, and gave me her phone number. ...and like an idiot, I called her later that night.

"I swear, if I could go back and change things I would, I was such a stupid, brainless teenager, thinking with my dick 95% of the times! I was such an idiot, but I saw her, continuously for years, in secret because of how much older she was than me."

If you had to keep it a secret simply because of your age- wait a minute, she molested you! At 16! What the fuck?!

"No matter how many times I tried to get rid of her - got into relationships with others, I always went back to her. It was as if she had this... this magical hold on me, like she cast a spell on me. Even the times I was with her, I was disgusted with myself, but still, I did it... and I don't know why."

Hard as I tried not to think it, I did - mommy issues. I mean it made sense; when my family and I first met Arnav and his family, Nani had told my parents and Buaji how his parents had both passed away in a car crash when he was only 7. Him being involved with an older woman and always wanting her attention... it just made sense.

However she did molest him, and this I am not okay with at all!

"When Di told me that she and Nani were getting serious and were going to start looking for a potential bride for me, I knew it just had to stop. In the past, I had cheated on my exes with that woman, and I didn't want to mistreat the woman I would marry in the same way. That was about a month before I met you, when I had cut ties with her. There used to be this place we would meet up in, where she would stay most of the time, and I sold that property, trying to get rid of any ties of her and my past. I did see her once, however, after our alliance was created because she thought it was just like all those times before I had tried to leave her. But unlike those times before, I was in love, and I wasn't going to let anything jeopardize it."

Wait... "You... saw her even after things settled between us?"

Arnav looked at me. "I swear Khushi, nothing like that happened between us, I just told her to fuck off and leave me alone, that's it."

"No- I mean I believe you," I quickly put in before he thought I didn't based on the look of hurt that was about to spread across his face. "What I mean is... you knew you loved me then? Before our wedding?"

Arnav nodded. "I did."

He reached out and caressed my cheek. "I told you Khushi, there's just something about you... I don't know, I can't control it, I can't control the way I feel about you."

Oh my.....

"I just... I want to make you happy, protect you... love you."

"Oh Arnav," and I kissed him.

Dammit, I am head over heels for this man, and I don't care one bit! I love him, and I love him with all of my heart. As for that woman, I hate her! I hate her more than anything... well, along with someone else.

I pulled back. "Arnav, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

Oh gosh, how do I tell him this I mean... I've tried to forget this myself all my life, but I can't. I lie to myself about it but no matter how hard I try not to believe reality... fuck!

"You told me your deepest secret... it's only right I tell you mine."

"What do you mean?"

I looked down at our entangled hands, hoping that it would give me strength. "Um... well unlike your secret, mine is actually a family secret."

He didn't say anything, but I could tell he wanted for me to continue.

"There's one thing my family has lied to you about, something that I've lied to you about."

His eyebrows met in the middle and I could see that he was very curious to know.

With a deep breath, I gathered all the courage I could get. "I'm not really my parents' daughter."

Arnav's eyes widened.

"I was adopted," I whispered.

Arnav looked at me in shock for a moment. I was pretty stunned myself - I had never said it out loud before. When I had found out that I was adopted, I was only 12, and I had made my parents swear to never bring it up, not even Buaji could bring it up. I considered myself to be my parents' daughter and that was it. I didn't care who gave birth to me, my Amma was my Amma and that was it. But I was only being in denial of the truth, and its dug at me for years and years. Now finally having said it out loud and to someone else, felt like heavy chains had been taken off of me.

Arnav gave my hand a squeeze, bringing me back to reality. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just... I never knew that saying it out loud would make me feel so... light... and free."

Arnav nodded. "That's the same way I felt telling you about her."

When you've got heavy secrets... it makes sense.

"You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to," he said softly.

"There isn't much to it. My birth-mother is actually Amma's younger sister; they were several years apart. ...my birth-mother was around 14 when she became pregnant with me. By then, Amma and Babuji had just gotten married; my grandparents were afraid to let Amma know, in case it jeopardized her marriage. But Babuji only supported my mother and her family."

I let out a shaky sigh. "My birth-mother didn't want me. I mean I get it, she was only 14, who wants to be responsible then, especially for another human being? So my family devised a plan that Amma and Babuji would go away for a year, pretend that they got pregnant and had me, when in actuality my birth-mother was really just handing me over to them. It all worked out in the end, and before my grandparents could banish her, my birth-mother ran off. ...I was 12 when I found out about all of this."

Arnav placed his arm around me and held me to him, and it was a very much welcome feeling to the coldness I felt.

"Did you ever try to reach out to her," he asked softly.

"No... but I did ask about her once when I was 18. Amma and Babuji had hired a peivate investigator and it turns out she had been living her life away in Miami, still being reckless. It just absolutely disgusted me, I mean I had hoped that maybe one day she'd reach out to find out about her daughter, but she never did, not once. Instead she's partying around, getting drunk, and fucking whatever she wants as always, according to Amma that is. Honestly I want nothing to do with that woman and I just want to forget her."

"I understand."

Arnav looked down at me and I looked up at him.

"I didn't think this night was going to get as heavy as it did," he tried to smile off.

I clicked my tongue. "Too late," and Arnav grinned.

"We should get going, its getting pretty late."

We both stood up, Arnav helping me up, and we got on the boat.

"Maybe when we get back to the house, we can lighten things up with some desert," Arnav said.

"We have ice cream so perfect."

Arnav gave me a smile and I smiled in return. Honestly, the evening had indeed gotten pretty heavy. But having told Arnav my deepest secret, and him not treating me any different, was a wonderful feeling. I'm glad that I'm able to trust him just like he's able to trust me.